Love Letter or my weak attempt at a breakup

I tell myself again and again that I don’t need you. I tell myself you provide me nothing but a few joy-filled hours at a time before you leave me broke, alone, and down again. I tell myself that you’re just some kind of sick life support system that keeps me connected to the feelings I’ve become accustomed to during my time with you. But despite telling myself all this I can’t quit. I can’t just say no. I don’t know if it’s because I really do love you like I say I do so often when we’re together or if it’s because I’ve just gotten used to you. I don’t know why I put up with your shit but I do. I don’t know how I can take all the lies and betrayal in stride. All just to feel happy for a few hours before the horrible nightmare of reality comes crashing down on me and you’re nowhere to be found.
So that’s it I guess. I want to give you up but I can’t. god knows I can try and I will try and I’ll fail and I’ll try again just to fail again. It’s a vicious cycle that I’ve been trapped in for the better part of the last year and I want to say I’m done with it but I’m too in love—or attached or whatever to you that I can’t just be done with it. I wish I could I wish I had the strength to just say fuck it and quit but it’s not like quitting anything else and I know it cause you’re always there even when you’re not there for me. My friends are always talking about you. Everyone likes you. It’ll be hard and I know that from the last four times I tried to end it and I really hope this will be the time that it works but I know it won’t, and for some fucked-up reason I’m glad that it won’t.